Sexual Self Control

The Lack of Sexual Self Control

Now David’s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her. Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill.
– 2 Samuel 13:1-2

Many of us men have become so obsessed with the “freedom” of being promiscuous, that we willingly allow our evil desires to birth desperate actions in order to acquire “the love” of a woman we cannot have. As a result, like Amnon, we eventually become mentally and spiritually ill. And as you’ll read, when our deceptive charm fails to get what we desire, we use demonstrative force and turn our sisters into victims.

Since Amnon was stronger than Tamar, he raped her.  Then suddenly Amnon’s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved her… He shouted for his servant and demanded, “Throw this woman out, and locking the door behind her!” – 2 Samuel 13:15-16

Sounds familiar? Well unfortunately it is. In 1995, the number one killer of African-American females, ages 15 to 34, was homicide at the hands of an intimate partner or ex-partner.* African-American women comprise 8% of the U.S. population, but account for 20% of the intimate partner homicide victims.* Every 2 minutes, a woman in the U.S. is sexually assaulted, and 1 in 4 women will experience sexual assault or rape during her time at college. The survivors of sexual assault are 3 times more likely to suffer from depression, 6 times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs, and 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide. When we couple the previously mentioned with the fact that in 2002, 72% of black children were raised in a single parent household*, we should all agree that the lack of sexual self control needs to be seriously addressed if our families and communities are to thrive! Lastly I’d like to point out that after Amnon raped Tamar, it is written that his love for her “suddenly turned to hate.” This confirms that Amnon never loved Tamar, but instead deeply desired her as an object for sex. This is called sexual objectification. We also see the spirit of misogyny in Amnon when he refers to Tamar as “this woman” when he had his servant throw her out. Amnon’s last action of “locking the door” behind Tamar is still happening today in the black community. Males are allowed to dismiss their evil actions and walk away from accountability (sexual assault) and responsibility (fathering a child). We especially see this evil thrive in sports entertainment.

Tamar was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the king’s virgin daughters. But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying. – 2 Samuel 13:15-17

Tamar tearing her clothes represented mourning and loss. The ashes on Tamar’s head was an outward sign of internal sorrow and distress. Lastly, Tamar laying her face in her hands and crying, represented shame. Sound familiar? As a whole, we, the “leaders of the village”, have subconsciously thrown our sisters out and locked the door behind them, and our children. Because we won’t open the door, single mothers will continue to experience the loss of a son from gang violence. Because we won’t open the door, single mothers will have to endure the sorrow of seeing children long for their absent father. Because we won’t open the door, our single sisters will continue to walk away in shame crying from being shamed by us.

It’s unequivocally hypocritical to practice a promiscuous lifestyle and be “pro black”. My brothers, mentors and leaders; how can we build what we desperately need (a strong black community), when we as a whole are not actively confronting the lack of sexual self control in our boys and men? It truly baffles me that promiscuity is a topic rarely discussed at a youth/men’s retreat or conference. If we continue to ignore this evil behavior, and not openly expose the elephant in the room, our children will never see the black man as a protector, but a Lothario, in and out of their mother’s legs and life. My brothers, our unified presence is long overdue. However, before we can “open the door” that leads to the restoration of our homes and communities, we must first humble ourselves, repent for the evil we that have done and allowed, and pray for forgiveness.  Then when we open the door, we must turn from the evil ways that caused us to shut the door on our sisters in the first place. Then, through the healing of the LORD, our communities will be restored (2 Chronicles 7:14).

In Blog PromiscuousShalom Aleichem,
Jason Wilson
Founder/CEO
The Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy

 

 

 

 

* Bureau of Health Statistics, 1995; Sullivan and Rumptz, 1995
* The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development
* U.S Department of Justice: Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Quality Time Is Very Important To Both Your Child And Yourself

January 27, 2022

Our children desire a connection with us as their parents. Spending uninterrupted one-on-one quality time reduces tension and unwanted behaviors. ⁣ ⁣ Although we see our kids often (some more than others), we may not be spending the time that fosters deep connection. It is…

Read More

“Every Home Is A University And The Parents Are The Teachers”

January 25, 2022

“𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲 𝐇𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐈𝐬 𝐀 𝐔𝐧𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬 𝐀𝐫𝐞 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐓𝐞𝐚𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐬”⁣ ⁣ Parents, it’s important to understand that we are our children’s biggest influencers! They learn more from us than teachers, friends, social media, the list goes on. ⁣ ⁣ We are teachers indirectly and…

Read More

Drone Apprenticeship Program

January 21, 2022

𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘥 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘋𝘳𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘈𝘱𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘱 𝘗𝘳𝘰𝘨𝘳𝘢𝘮? ⁣ ⁣ This program will provide virtual STEM-based sessions that expose students to drone technology and other sophisticated technologies via virtual platforms. These platforms use project-based designs dedicated to preparing and introducing participants to in-demand employment opportunities.⁣…

Read More

“Signing with Khy, a Sign Language Guide”

January 19, 2022

Today we wanted to give a 𝘚𝘏𝘖𝘜𝘛 𝘖𝘜𝘛 to one of our students, Khyiana Tate! 🎉⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Khyiana was just featured on Fox 2 Detroit taking about her new book “Signing with Khy, a Sign Language Guide”. She wanted to create something that deaf and…

Read More

“Our Children Need Our Presence, Not Our Present.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

January 18, 2022

“𝘖𝘶𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦, 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴.” – Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.⁣ ⁣ Happy MLK Day everyone. We hope you are able to rest and enjoy time with your loved ones today. 💙⁣ ⁣ As we reflect on the life and legacy of…

Read More

Self-Management

January 14, 2022

𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟-𝐌𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐚𝐛𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐞𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐲 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐠𝐞 𝐨𝐧𝐞’𝐬 𝐞𝐦𝐨𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬, 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐬, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫𝐬 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐟𝐟𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐮𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬. ⁣ ⁣ This includes managing stress, delaying gratification, motivating yourself, and setting and working toward personal and academic goals.⁣ ⁣ By continuing to support your teen’s self-management growth, you can…

Read More

Teenage Years Can be Turbulent Times

January 13, 2022

So much of our children’s lives take place away from their parents. This is a natural occurrence, as it’s part of their growing independence; 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘸𝘢𝘺 𝘵𝘰 𝘣𝘦 𝘱𝘳𝘦𝘴𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘪𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘪𝘳 𝘭𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘴 𝘪𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩 𝘤𝘰𝘯𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯.⁣ ⁣ The teenage years can be turbulent times,…

Read More

We Often Think are Children are Not Listening, But they Are.

January 10, 2022

“𝘕𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥𝘳𝘦𝘯 𝘪𝘴 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥. 𝘛𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘦𝘮 𝘯𝘰𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘶𝘴, 𝘩𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨, 𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘵𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘦𝘺𝘦𝘴, 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘺 𝘴𝘦𝘭𝘥𝘰𝘮 𝘰𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘯𝘬𝘴, 𝘣𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘦 𝘥𝘰 𝘧𝘰𝘳 𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘮 𝘪𝘴 𝘯𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘸𝘢𝘴𝘵𝘦𝘥.” 💙⁣ ⁣ Parents, we often think are children are not listening, but they…

Read More

Think About Some of the Ways Your Parents Influenced You

January 7, 2022

Hey parents! Did you know this…? 🤔⁣ ⁣ 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘣𝘪𝘨𝘨𝘦𝘴𝘵 𝘪𝘯𝘧𝘭𝘶𝘦𝘯𝘤𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘦𝘯’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘧𝘦! ⁣ ⁣ Even though you may feel your child pulling away or eager for more independence, deep down they still want you involved. ⁣ ⁣ A strong bond…

Read More

Our Leader and Visionary!

January 5, 2022

𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴! ⁣ ⁣ Here is our Executive Director, Nicole Wilson. ⁣ Nicole Wilson has served as the Yunion’s Executive Director since its’ inception and has more has more than 17 years of management experience and an…

Read More

The Yunion’s Pure Program

December 31, 2021

We are super excited to share this #𝐓𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐓𝐡𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐝𝐚𝐲 video! 🎉⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ As we approach the new year, we are most looking forward to getting back in the classroom to work with our students. ⁣⁣⁣ ⁣⁣⁣ Here is a video that the young ladies of Oak…

Read More

Spend Time with Your Family

December 29, 2021

🔹 𝟻 𝘍𝘳𝘦𝘦 𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘈𝘤𝘵𝘪𝘷𝘪𝘵𝘪𝘦𝘴 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘊𝘢𝘯 𝘋𝘰 𝘞𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘍𝘢𝘮𝘪𝘭𝘺 𝘋𝘶𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘏𝘰𝘭𝘪𝘥𝘢𝘺 𝘉𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘬 🔹⁣ ⁣ Every year around this time, we take the time to celebrate and gather with our families. The time we spend together is even more special due to everything…

Read More

Only 1 in 4 (27%) Teens Ages 15 to 17 Have Ever Had Sex

December 28, 2021

𝘗𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘴, 𝘥𝘪𝘥 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸…? ⁣ ⁣ Only 1 in 4 (27%) teens ages 15 to 17 have ever had sex.⁣ ⁣ Teen births in the US have declined over the last 20 years to the lowest level ever recorded, but still more than 86,000 teens…

Read More

High Point / Low Point

December 24, 2021

Hey parents! Have you heard of this technique? 🤔 ⁣ High Point / Low Point is a great way for you to engage your children in conversation and find out what they’re feeling and why they feel what they feel. 💙⁣ ⁣ It’s so important…

Read More

Golden Rule of Parenting

December 22, 2021

✨ The Golden Rule of Parenting is: Do unto your children as you wish your parents had done unto you. ✨ ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ 🔹 Easier said than done, right? Who else remembers being a kid or even a young adult pre-children and thinking, “𝘐 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭…

Read More

Ron’s Passion is an Incomparable

December 21, 2021

𝘐𝘵’𝘴 𝘵𝘪𝘮𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘵𝘦𝘢𝘮 𝘮𝘦𝘮𝘣𝘦𝘳𝘴! ⁣ ⁣ Here is our Program Director, Ronald Lee Jr. aka Mr. Ron. 😎⁣ ⁣ He has more than 20 years of youth programming experience, and has been in his current position with the Yunion…

Read More

Blog Categories

SEARCH THIS BLOG: