Sexual Self Control

The Lack of Sexual Self Control

Now Davidโ€™s son Absalom had a beautiful sister named Tamar. And Amnon, her half brother, fell desperately in love with her. Amnon became so obsessed with Tamar that he became ill.
– 2 Samuel 13:1-2

Many of us men have become so obsessed with the “freedom” of being promiscuous, that we willingly allow our evil desires to birth desperate actions in order to acquire โ€œthe loveโ€ of a woman we cannotย have. As a result, like Amnon, we eventually become mentally and spiritually ill. And as you’ll read, when our deceptive charm failsย to get what we desire, we use demonstrative force and turn our sisters into victims.

Since Amnon was stronger than Tamar, he raped her.ย  Then suddenly Amnonโ€™s love turned to hate, and he hated her even more than he had loved herโ€ฆ He shouted for his servant and demanded, โ€œThrow this woman out, and lockingย the door behind her!โ€ – 2 Samuel 13:15-16

Sounds familiar? Well unfortunately it is. In 1995, theย number one killer of African-American females, ages 15 to 34, was homicide at the hands of an intimate partner or ex-partner.* African-American womenย comprise 8% of the U.S. population, but account for 20% of the intimate partner homicide victims.* Every 2 minutes, a womanย in the U.S. is sexually assaulted, and 1 in 4 women willย experience sexual assault or rape during her time at college. The survivors of sexual assault are 3 times more likely to suffer from depression, 6ย times more likely to suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder, 26 times more likely to abuse drugs, and 4 times more likely to contemplate suicide. When we couple the previously mentioned with the fact that in 2002,ย 72% of black children were raised in a single parent household*, we should all agree that the lack of sexual self control needs to be seriously addressed if our families and communities are to thrive! Lastly I’d like to point out that after Amnon raped Tamar, it is written that his love for her “suddenly turned to hate.” This confirms that Amnon never loved Tamar, but instead deeply desired her as an object for sex. This is called sexual objectification. We also see the spirit of misogyny in Amnon when he refers to Tamar as “this woman” when he had his servant throw her out. Amnon’s last action of “locking the door” behind Tamar is still happening today in the black community. Males are allowed to dismiss their evil actions and walk away from accountability (sexual assault) and responsibility (fathering a child). We especially see this evil thrive in sports entertainment.

Tamar was wearing a long, beautiful robe, as was the custom in those days for the kingโ€™s virgin daughters. But now Tamar tore her robe and put ashes on her head. And then, with her face in her hands, she went away crying. – 2 Samuel 13:15-17

Tamar tearing her clothes represented mourning and loss. The ashes on Tamarโ€™s head was an outward sign of internal sorrow and distress. Lastly, Tamar laying her face in her hands and crying, represented shame. Sound familiar? As a whole, we, the โ€œleaders of the village”, have subconsciously thrown our sisters out and locked the door behind them, and our children. Because we wonโ€™t open the door, single mothers will continue to experience the loss of a son from gang violence. Because we wonโ€™t open the door, single mothers will have to endure the sorrow of seeing children long for their absent father. Because we wonโ€™t open the door, our single sisters will continue to walk away in shame crying from being shamedย by us.

Itโ€™s unequivocally hypocritical to practice aย promiscuous lifestyle and be โ€œpro blackโ€. My brothers, mentors and leaders; how can we build what we desperately need (a strong black community), when we as a whole are not actively confronting the lack of sexual self control in our boys and men? It truly bafflesย me that promiscuityย is a topic rarely discussed at a youth/men’s retreat or conference. If we continue to ignore thisย evil behavior, and not openly exposeย the elephant in the room, our children will never see the black man as a protector, but a Lothario, in and out of their motherโ€™s legs and life. My brothers, our unified presence is long overdue. However, before we can “open the door” that leads to the restoration of our homes and communities, we must first humble ourselves, repent for the evil we that have done and allowed, and pray for forgiveness.ย  Then when we open the door, we must turn from the evil ways that caused us to shut the door on our sisters in the first place. Then, through the healing of the LORD, our communities will be restored (2 Chronicles 7:14).

In Blog PromiscuousShalom Aleichem,
Jason Wilson
Founder/CEO
The Cave of Adullam Transformational Training Academy

 

 

 

 

* Bureau of Health Statistics, 1995; Sullivan and Rumptz, 1995
* The Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development
*ย U.S Department of Justice: Bureau of Justice Statistics.

Restorative 101 – The Conversational Breakdown

September 28, 2023

Wellness Wednesday Restorative 101 – The Conversational Breakdown

Read More

A Prelude To Our 20th Anniversary Gala

September 25, 2023

Still on a high from our Open House ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿพ Much gratitude to all of our partners, staff, volunteers, and everyone who came out to support ๐Ÿ™๐Ÿพ๐Ÿฉต The impact we strive to make on Detroit is only strengthened with every helping hand. This is just the…

Read More

Restorative Parenting 101 (Part 2)

September 21, 2023

Wellness Wednesday Parental Advisory – Restorative Parenting 101 (Part 2)

Read More

Restorative 1 on 1 – Part 1

September 13, 2023

Wellness Wednesday – Parental Advisory Restorative 1 on 1 (Part 1)

Read More

Monday Motivation – 3 C’s Of Parenting

August 29, 2023

3 C’s of Parenting: Be Clear, Concise, and Consistent: Parenting can be hard, but by following the three C’s โ€“ be clear, concise, and consistent โ€“ you can make it easier! #mondaymotivation #YouthDevelopment #TheYunion #LovingYouth #UnitingFamilies #parentingtips #parentinggoals

Read More

Detroit’s Young Minds Are Blossoming – Youth Development

August 25, 2023

๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ”‹ What a remarkable summer it’s been! ๐ŸŒž๐Ÿ’ผ Our partnership with @gdytdetroit & @dunamiscleanenergy / @dunamischarge brought unforgettable experiences. Langston from our Workforce Development Program thrived with Dunamis Clean Energy, connecting with their team members and sharing invaluable insights at summer’s end. ๐Ÿš€๐ŸŒฑ His “Learning…

Read More

Mental Health Awareness – Adverse Child Experiences

August 24, 2023

Wellness Wednesday Mental Health Awareness – Adverse Child Experiences (ACE’s)

Read More

Talk to โ€˜Em Tuesday – Connecting With Our Kids

August 23, 2023

It’s Tuesday, time for Talk to โ€˜Em Tuesday! We all know it’s back-to-school time. Let’s start the year off right by connecting with our kids. Ask them: What are you looking forward to most about this school year? #TheYunion #backtoschool2023 #TalkToEm

Read More

Giving Your Children Love – Parenting Teens And Tweens

August 22, 2023

Giving Your Children Love: Don’t Make This Regret Take time to show your children that you love and care for them. Don’t regret not showing them how important they are this Motivational Monday. #motivationalmonday #loveyourchildren #noregrets #parentingteensandtweens #TheYunion #LovingYouth #UnitingFamilies https://www.facebook.com/reel/817647063398972

Read More

Life Leaders Experience – Empowering Youth

August 18, 2023

๐ŸŽ“๐ŸŒŸ Cheers to Alana Parker and Dalaila Davis for an incredible Life Leaders journey! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ“š Their summer wrapped up on August 10th, with impactful presentations reflecting their growth and learnings. ๐ŸŒฑ๐ŸŽ‰ Feedback from peers and instructors was heartening, showcasing Alana’s Dalailaโ€™s remarkable progress! ๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿ’ซ We’re…

Read More

Wellness Wednesday – School Traumatic

August 17, 2023

Is Going Back to School Traumatic

Read More

Youโ€™re Invited To The Yunionโ€™s Private Open House Event

August 16, 2023

๐ŸŽ‰ Youโ€™re Invited to The Yunionโ€™s Private Open House Event! ๐ŸŽ‰ Celebrate our 20th Anniversary with us as we introduce you to: New Doors with the Same Mission. Witness our youth shine on stage. Tour our mission-driven space. And get some FREE FOOD! Enjoy lunch…

Read More

The Yunionโ€™s 20th Anniversary Gala

August 12, 2023

Unveiling a night to remember: The Yunionโ€™s 20th Anniversary Gala! ๐Ÿฅ‚โœจ – Hosted by Van Lathan ๐ŸŽค – Performance by Damien Escobar ๐ŸŽป – Wisdom and insight from Hill Harper ๐Ÿ“– ๐Ÿ“ One Campus Martius, 16th Floor ๐Ÿ“… October 5th, 6:00 PM – 10:00 PM…

Read More

The Cave Of Adullam Transformational Training Academy

August 11, 2023

๐Ÿ”™๐ŸŽค Throwback to an unforgettable day when @fortune5hun dropped by to show support for The Cave! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐ŸŽถ Our teenagers were thrilled by the coaching session, and the energy was electric! โšก๐ŸŒŸ Huge thanks for the incredible experience ๐Ÿ”ฅ Video by: The Cave of Adullam Transformational…

Read More

Wellness Wednesday – Developing A Restorative Mindset

August 10, 2023

Developing a Restorative Mindset

Read More

Teen Development – Uniting Families

August 9, 2023

๐ŸŒŸ๐Ÿ‘ฉโ€๐Ÿ‘งโ€๐Ÿ‘ฆ Parents, your teenager is on a journey of self-discovery and forming their own viewpoints.๐Ÿ‘€๐ŸŒฑ It’s natural for them to challenge parental guidance as they define their identity. Remember, this isn’t a reflection of your parenting skills! ๐Ÿ™Œ๐Ÿ’– Embrace this phase as a sign of…

Read More

Blog Categories

SEARCH THIS BLOG: